This Week In Real Americans

Real America existed long ago in our pre-industrial United States. Guided by their virtuous adherence to black bondage, these Americans became soooo real that regular America just couldn’t handle their Americanism. Though they failed to establish their own Real American sanctuary/bathhouse, their realness was not extinguished but heightened through the use of backwards logic, bourbon and loud, unintelligible yells.   

Fast-forward 150 years and you would’ve thought these Patriots would find new ways to manifest their realness. Eat a KFC Double Down. Watch NASCAR while pantsless. Kick a Mexican. You know – do their duty for America. But alas, they can’t leave the past behind…  

Well, if there was ever a time to re-animate William Tecumseh Sherman...

 The National Federation of Republican Women (NFRW) held its annual fall Board of Directors meeting in Charleston, S.C. last weekend – a decision the organization is likely regretting after several controversial pictures from one of the meeting’s sponsored events began surfacing on the internet. 

One of the pictures shows S.C. Senate President Glenn McConnell –  who FITS readers will recall enjoys dressing up as a Confederate General – posing in his Rebel garb with a pair of African-Americans dressed in, um, “antebellum” attire. 

The event in question – dubbed “The Southern Experience” – was held last Friday evening at the Country Club of Charleston. Hosted by the South Carolina Federation of Republican Women, it was included on the national conference’s official itinerary.  In addition to McConnell, S.C. Gov. Mark Sanford attended (and spoke at) the event – although it was not listed on his weekly public schedule. S.C. Republican Attorney General nominee Alan Wilson also attended.  

Invited speakers to the NFRW conference included U.S. House Minority Leader John Boehner, Senate Leader Mitch McConnell, RNC Chairman Michael Steele, Rep. Joe Wilson, House Speaker Bobby Harrell, former U.S. Ambassador David Wilkins and GOP gubernatorial nominee Nikki Haley.

Yes, friends. The NFRW rented a couple black people to dress up as slaves – which isn’t slavery in itself because they were paid a reasonable wage and we’re in the middle of a Recession. Which makes it totally cool.  It was also nice of Sanford to take time from his Real (South) American to get Confederate for America.

Ah, the romanticism of secession. “Romanticession?”