Wisconsin Man To Make Tattoo Removal Appointment In 6 Years

My girlfriend and I have an agreement when it comes to watching television. For 52 weeks, I can watch sports anywhere from 3 to 7 nights a week. In exchange, I agree to watch one bad reality television show. That show is Jersey Shore.

Truth be told, I actually like the show. I like it so much I’ve searched Vegas betting lines for Jersey Shore Prop bets. In particular, I’m looking for the ‘Under’ on the timeframe for ‘the Situation’s’ 1st Sexual Assault charge. Because, you know, he seems about 2 whiskeys, half a steroid cycle, and a shot of cough syrup away from being a sex criminal. And who can’t have a laugh about that?

Unlike the insufferable faux-earnestness or outright vapid ugliness of characters on shows like Survivor,  The Real World, or any of the other 17,000 reality shows, some members of the Jersey Shore cast exhibit at least a semblance of self-awareness. In particular, the much maligned slut-troll Snooki knows she’s caricature.  She might not be able to find New Jersey on a map, but in a certain, bowling ball with a bump-it sort of way, she’s kind of genius. She plays up the unique qualities – all the way to bank. But feel free to watch the show and trash on the little lady, aiding and abetting her collection of millions over the past couple years. Who’s the real idiot?  In fact,  I would go far enough to say, ‘I like Snooki.’

But not as much as this guy:

No, America. That is not Packers’ linebacker Frank Zombo. That is Chris Hamilton of Union Grove, Wisconsin. And he either loves Snooki, or is seriously amused about the bet he lost. 

It’s a pretty safe bet Chris will be watching tonight’s Jersey Shore premiere. After the show, he’ll probably start drinking in preparation for Sunday’s Eagles/Packers playoff game. In that case, he’ll probably need to catch up with the rest of the faithful.

Update: Yeah, only took me a hot tub scene to realize I don’t really like Snooki that much. Got a little bit out over my skis on that one. Have a nice day.

Bored of the Dance?

Today we are all catty judges of dance.

Dance-related drama is in vogue as Bristol Palin gets after it on Dancing With The Stars. This reality show is obviously the final battle to determine who will control the earth and the freemasons’ army of castrating replicants.

Yesterday, I read certain tea partiers have been mobilizing armies of baggers to quit their jobs/soap operas and spend all day doing some on-line ‘serving’ of the other contestants by working over the show’s voting system. Here are some comments!

“Here’s a hint: They don’t have to be VALID email addresses to register them with ABC.com, there is apparently no validation process. The just have to be formatted like a valid email address, and you must use a valid zip code and a birthdate that makes you old enough to vote. I’m voting like a democrat, all night long…”

“No, it doesn’t have to be a valid email address – I had one of my anonymous ones XXX@yahoo.com that I used, and then just did the sign-up process all over again with XXX1@yahoo.com and it worked.”

“Got my 80 votes in online…took 2 hours. I am beat”

“I only got 42 in, I have some catching up to do!”

“Lord have mercy, I voted for 3 hours online! I got 300 in.”

[T]he fact we’ve been all doing this for Bristol has been driving the Left NUTS…For conservatives, enjoy the fun of finally, at last, getting a taste of what it’s like to be a Democrat. You can vote as much as you want. You can vote using all sorts of names. You can vote all day. You can’t get paid to vote, because you aren’t really a Democrat, silly, but you can get as close as you can possibly get without being in a union or taking part in ACORN.

Fun? Maybe if you substitute “have sex” for “vote,” then maybe the “Left” could get into that. and ACORNunionsbad because boo! On the other hand, maybe that’s why Obama/Reid refuse to put up a fight re: taxes, Nuke Treaty, anything.  They’re merely captive to their anti-Palin dancing rage and can’t tear themselves away from the teevee.

Anyway, some dancing happened last night. According to the radio ad I heard this morning, in a surprising turn of events, Brandy is still considered a “star.” She also lost to Palin, and people are indignant/ecstatic because apparently her survival was totally undeserved/warranted.

Meanwhile, in the B-Plot, future star of MTV’s Teen Mom, Willow Palin got homophobically hypersensitive in defense of her family, with assists from Dancer. Instead of taking it to the dance floor, Willow took it to the only other place where disputes are settled theses days – Facebook.

More posts here. Willow Palin’s “Internet Justice” coming soon to TLC.  As for this issue, Alaska’s Sharks and Jets should settle this dispute the 21st Century Alaskan Way – a meth-driven Dance-off.

Returning briefly to the real world/televised dance contests, this story probably wins the day if disturbing subtext can be victorious…

Allegedly set off by Bristol Palin’s appearance on “Dancing with the Stars,” a rural Black Earth man kept police at bay outside his home for 15 hours Monday and Tuesday before he surrendered to police…

According to the complaint, Cowan and his wife were watching “Dancing with the Stars” when Cowan jumped up and swore as Bristol Palin appeared, saying something about “the (expletive) politics.” Cowan was upset that a political figure’s daughter was on the show when he didn’t think she was a good dancer, the complaint states.

Cowan went upstairs for about 20 minutes and returned, demanding his pistols, which had been taken by his daughter about a month ago for safety reasons. He was carrying a single-shot shotgun, which he loaded and fired into the television.

Sometimes the Tree of Liberty needs to be sprayed with shards of electronic display devices.  However, sometimes the remote control is mightier than the 12-Gauge. Save that shell for the next Packers’ playoff loss.

Finally, there’s this shit, for which I really have no words. WWMWD ? Dancing is no longer a casual release. It’s life, death, and the shitty part in between. Thanks, McCain.

Mitch McConnell Sticking Up For The Little Goliaths

20% of our country’s kids are now living below the poverty line. The middle-class is crumbling. But Mitch McConnell? He’s going to the mat for those most suffering during this time of economic unease – our beloved, long-suffering rich people.

Yesterday, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) unexpectedly suggested that he could support President Obama’s plan to enact permanent tax cuts for the middle class while allowing the Bush tax breaks for the wealthy to expire. Boehner’s comments have prompted fierce pushback from conservatives in the House and Senate alike, who disagree with the public about giving tax cuts to the richest Americans. In a speech on the Senate floor today, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) argued that Obama’s plan would hurt “the people who’ve been hit hardest by this recession.”

Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky, announced Monday he will introduce legislation that would ensure that no one pays higher income taxes next year.

“We can’t let the people who’ve been hit hardest by this recession and who we need to create the jobs that will get us out of it foot the bill for the Democrats’ two-year adventure in expanded government,” McConnell said on the Senate floor.

Remember way back when our deficit was the biggest non-mosque threat to out fragile existence? Like a month ago? Well, nevermind that the Bush tax cuts constitute a huge chunk of these yearly deficits, Obama’s compromise would finger-blast the top 2% of tax payers with 3% more finger.

Good for people who make a lot of money. Shit, The Situation is going to pull in $5 million this year.  I’ve read some people point to this as a sign of the apocalypse. Who cares? Saps are filling his pockets. Good for him.

But c’mon, Mitch. “Suffering?” Having to be a little extra conscious about your monthly ‘Dom’ intake is not suffering. Suffering is living under a bridge and eating shoe-sole-soup out of a rusty paint can. 

This would be forgivable if it was a mere loss of perspective – which it’s not. It’s pure pandering to the people who have reaped the benefits of 30 years of GOP policies. Look, count your money but just stop fucking whining about “oppression” and shit like that. We get it. Many rich people are rich because they pride only their own selfish intentions. This is fine, but stop acting like disingenuous assholes. 

 

And while we’re at it, why does someone making $100 million per year pay a tax rate just two points higher than someone making $175,000 per year? They must work 500 x’s harder.

President Barack Obama wants to extend the tax cuts for individuals making less than $200,000 and joint filers making less than $250,000 in adjusted gross income. That’s income from wages, capital gains and dividends, before standard deductions and exemptions are subtracted. 

In a time of economic uncertainty, unemployment and revenue concerns for the government, this seems like a reasonable compromise all parties can get behind (Blue Dogs and GOP included).

But not to McConnell and the 2 % he really represents. As I’ve said before, there is no demographic more overrepresented in elected government than the “rich.” Not the right-handed. Not the Christians. Not even “old white men.”  And sure enough, here’s what Mitch proposed this afternoon…

As promised, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) this week introduced legislation proposing to make the budget-busting 2001 and 2003 Bush tax cuts permanent. The so-called Tax Hike Prevention Act wouldn’t merely drain $3.9 trillion from the U.S. Treasury over the next decade. At a time of record income inequality, the Republicans’ $700 billion windfall for the wealthy would virtually ensure a perpetual income gap. Call it PIG for short.

As the Washington Post reported, the price tag for the Republican scheme is staggering. Among the highlights of the McConnell bill are preventing a return of upper bracket income tax and capital gains rates to their Clinton-era levels and cutting the estate tax even as the threshold is raised to $5 million per person. Oh, and red ink as far as the eye can see:

For 30 years, policies by and for the rich have been imposed on our country. And congratulations, you’ve won.  1% of this country owns 42% of its financial wealth while the bottom 80% controls 7%. The top 2% have seen their income increase 281% in the last 30 years while most of the country has essentially flatlined.  But it’s the rich whining about ‘suffering’ while the children of the poor and (crumbling) middle-class are sent off to your b.s. wars? Yet they pay no payroll tax over 105k and take in 89% of CG income taxed at %18. No one talks about that, huh?

Yes. You ‘suffering’ patriots sacrifice so much.

You’ve won.  Count your fucking money and be thankful Reagan, Clinton, Newt, Gramm and W let you fix the system so you can reap money hand-over-fist while your cronies shipped jobs overseas. Just stop pretending you’re acting for the benefit of the rest of the country.