We're so relatable because everyone likes to have sex!!
Apparently, Sex & the City 2: Abu Dhaaaahbi is a (SPOILER) cinematic abomination. And not a quick one, either. It runs 150 minutes. 150! And to some, the length isn’t the most offensive part. Believe it or not, it’s a little tone def in its portrayal of cultures different from it insular core of vapid, neurotic Manhattan pseudo-Cougars.
Wajahat Ali (Salon):
Our four female cultural avatars, like imperialistic Barbies, milk Abu Dhabi for leisure and hedonism without making any discernible, concrete efforts to learn about her people and their daily lives. An exception is Miranda, whose IQ drops about 100 points as she dilutes the vast complexities of a diverse culture into sound bites like this: “‘Hanh Gee’ means ‘yes’ in Arabic!”
Only it doesn’t — it’s Hindi and Punjabi, which is spoken by South Asians.
CUT TO: Samantha blowing a Chinese migrant worker. “hanh gee! hanh gee!” (She’s the uninhibited one!)
She also incorrectly tells the audience that all women in the Middle East have to cover themselves. And, yes, nearly every single Middle Eastern female character in “SATC 2’s” imaginative rendition of “Abu Dhabi,” is veiled, silent or subdued by aggressive men.
[…]
If our cultural ambassadors truly cared about saving Muslim women, they surely would try to help them during the film’s interminable two and half hour running time, no? Sadly, instead, these incredibly shallow mock-feminists can’t even bother to have one decent conversation with a Muslim woman, because they’re too immersed in picnics on the desert and singing Arab disco karaoke renditions of “I Am Woman.” In fact, Abu Dhabi is just peachy when it’s a fantasy land where they ride around in limos and get comped an extravagantly vulgar $22,000 hotel suite. However, only when that materialism is taken away do they worry, in only the most superficial way, about sexual hypocrisy and women’s oppression.
Meanwhile, the perpetually self-absorbed Carrie finds enlightenment in the simple, wise words of her Indian manservant Gaurav, who functions as the movie’s life-changing, magical minority. And Samantha, our “Western” avatar of freedom and liberation, offers a juxtaposition to the silent, oppressed Muslim women by making immature puns like “Lawrence of my Labia” and performing fellatio on a sheesha pipe in public.
The movie uses only two broad colors to paint the Middle East: One depicting an opulent Eden for our blissfully ignorant protagonists to selfishly use as a temporary escape, and the other showing an oppressive dungeon populated by intolerant men that cannot comprehend cleavage or bare shoulders.
OK, a bubble gum approach to reality is to be expected from “SATC2.” And one could imagine a scenario in which the frothy light comedy could be used to erase mutual misunderstandings. After all, Muslim women around the world, who religiously watched the show, would love a strong, empowered Muslim female “SATC” character who could enlighten Western audiences about the complex, and at times oppressive, reality of Middle Eastern women while simultaneously rocking Ferragamos. Instead, the film exists in a wacky cultural vacuum blissfully unaware of its own arrogance and prejudices.
Apparently, we’re meant to believe Muslim women in the Middle East are equally self-absorbed, vain and materialistic. After completely dissing the Middle East, its people, its religion and its culture, it’s “Sex and the City” that truly insults the Muslim women, by silencing them entirely.
Well…if American audiences respond to anything, it’s franchise sequels overflowing with redundant clichés and painfully familiar characters (caricatures). So the movie obviously made over $50 million in the opening week, thus paving the way for (you guessed it) the probable making of 3rd eye-gouging disaster. I’m offering these ideas for the worn formula…
Sex & the City 3: ‘Eskihos!’ Obsessed with her aging uterus, Charlotte is puffed to the gills with fertility treatment by an experimental therapist in Fairbanks. She pops out some octuplets. After purchasing over-priced designer booties and mittens for the kids, Miranda’s new boyfriend sits the little ones on top of 8 huskies for the annual Iditarod. In a Disney-esque turn of events, they’re like little jockeys, and only one loses a foot!!! Meanwhile, Samantha starts fucking a fish monger. “It wasn’ t just noses we were rubbing” is a line for the trailer. She’s such a slut! hilarious!
Sex & the City 3: ‘Deeper South’ After losing a bet with one of her embarrassingly effeminate male friends, Carrie finds herself at the Old Plantation home of one of her distant cousins. As she tries to acclimate herself to the day-to-day life on the farm (while wearing 6-in heels), hilarity ensues. Meanwhile, Miranda says something snarky about the South. Samantha starts fucking a black farm hand, and the offensive cultural ignorance keeps on rolling. “Let’s just say he showed me his ‘Kunta Kinte,’ y’all!” That means his ‘penis’! And it’s also a reference to centuries of human bondage! But who cares because she’s sleeps with so many men! Her vagina is soooo worn. Haha!
Sex & the City 3: ‘Sex-ico’ Ola’, Senoritas. Miranda gets sent to Mexico by her law firm in order to mitigate damages suffered by workers injured in a chemical plant explosion. The rest of the girls are coming with. Hey-o!!! Charlotte gets roped into a Santa Muerte ceremony and loses her shit when an old woman smears rooster blood on her forehead. “These poor people are savages. Senor, una paloma mas, por favor…” Meanwhile, Carrie narrates inapplicable life lessons in her annoying flinty voice and Samantha just wants to fuck. “He can mow my lawn any day…” Holy shit! Can’t you just say you want to have sex with him?! How many entendres are too many???
So there it is. If anyone has seen this film, feel free to weigh in. I’m taking Mr. Ali’s advice and staying far far away.
Gratuitous World 