Dick Vitale To Grant Obligatory Pardon To Egomaniacal Coaching Legend In 3…2…1…

leggo his ego

“In our program, the truth is the basis of all that we do. There is nothing more important than the truth because there’s nothing more powerful than the truth. Consequently, on our team, we always tell one another the truth. We must be honest with one another. There is no other way.”  Duke Coach Mike Krzyzewski.

Duke and the NCAA are investigating whether an NCAA recruiting rule was violated when coach Mike Krzyzewski reportedly offered a scholarship to a recruit during a summer tournament.

The scholarship offer to five-star prospect Alex Poythress came on Tuesday night, after Poythress’ AAU team was eliminated from the AAU Super Showcase in Orlando, Fla.

Poythress confirmed the offer to CBSSports.com on Thursday, and said he spoke to Krzyzewski when he received the offer.

“It felt pretty good,” Poythress said of the offer. “It was pretty exciting to talk to Coach K. He said he saw me play at the Super Showcase and Peach Jam, and he liked what he saw.”

NCAA rules prevent coaches from contacting players before they are finished playing in tournaments. While the Georgia Stars were indeed eliminated from the Super Showcase, they were still in Orlando for the AAU Nationals. Players have to be dispersed from the team in order for a coach to talk to them.

On Sunday, Duke responded via spokesman Jon Jackson. “Proper adherence to NCAA bylaws has always been, and will continue to be, a cornerstone of Duke athletics,” the statement said.

Poythress is a 6-foot-7 forward from Northeast (Tenn). He is ranked No. 15 in CBSSports.com’s Top 100.

I don’t think Poythress is not starting out on the right foot by telling the truth about his recruiting timeline. God willing, Maybe Coach K can berate his mother for not putting program first (see William Avery).

However, if Alex can partially replace Kyle Singler’s productivity in a couple of years, all will be good in the Krzyzewsk Kingdom.

CBB recruiting violation season! Catch the fever.  Although, I’ll take a (NCAA Pres) Mark Emmert press conference over watching UCONN/Butler play ‘basketball’ any day.

The Worldwide Leader In Dimensions…

If you’re like me, you’ve turned on ESPN to watch a lot of meaningless sporting events – say, a Big West Mens’ Basketball Conference Tournament game between Pacific University and Long Beach State, or maybe the Midwest Regional Jack Russell Steeple Chase.  Have you ever thought to yourself, “Man, I wish I could be there – you know, and actually see Dick Vitale’s spittle accumulate on my eyeglasses…”? Patience friends:

Can Tebow's 3D tears cure you?

 According to The Hollywood Reporter‘s “Live Feed” blog, ESPN is set to be at the vanguard of 3D television, via a new 3D network due to launch this summer. And what can you expect to see on that network? “Up to 25 World Cup matches, the 2011 BCS National Championship Game, college basketball and football, and the Summer X Games.”

Unbeknownst to me, the 3D fad did not end with mid-80s movies like Friday the 13th Part III and Captain EO. So get ready for an extra dimension of fun! 

However, with ESPN self-promotion and over-the-top enthusiasm already “up to eleven,” you may want to consult your physician before watching that 3D Duke/UNC hoops game.

Side Effects may include:

• Kenny Mayne-opause;
• Gruden’s Superlative Turrets of Excellence;
• Mel Kiper Jun-phoma;
• Bermaholism;
• Stephen A. Smith-Induced Angry Epilepsy;
• Realization that Mike Patrick is an even bigger tool than initially believed.
• Bob Ley-Z Eye. (also known by its wannabe street name – Stuart Scottigmatism);
• Tony Crohn-heiser’s disease (symptoms may include Michael Wilbonstipation);
• Holly Rowe-mania.

You get the idea.

Oh, the places you’ll go…most likely a bar or your couch.

This Erin Andrews Thing Will Help Me Calibrate My Creepiness Level

Erin Andrews has been a favorite of mine for the last few years. I’m talking Top 5 Favorite and common attendee in my “photo album.”  Not only is she the typical hot, leggy blonde, but she can also talk “swing offense” with Bo Ryan. 

I know it’s not just me. I expect even Tebow would put down a Filipino orphan and unbuckle his chastity belt for a chance to bed her.

So I was very curious when I read someone videotaped naked Erin through her hotel room peephole in Omaha.  I took a couple deep breaths, and waited it out until I was only “semi”-curious. 

At this point, I have not searched this out on-line. Why? Well, while my phallic compass is pointing due north (towards viewing this tape), my moral compass has not allowed me to take a look.  I don’t judge people who seek out this video, but I can’t do it.  The only question that keeps running through my head is, “How would you come across on a hotel room hidden camera?”  The Answer? Creepy, skinny, slothful and stained.

Examples of things I’ve done while naked in hotel rooms: (1) air-guitar w/ headphones on; (2) eaten pasta with my hands; (3) blown my nose in a hand-towel; (4) watched the live Lotto numbers while holding my tickets; (5) passed out on the floor (bathroom + bedroom).  These are the PG examples.  Feel free to be inspired, Pixar. These are on the house.

The argument that she “brings this upon herself” because she is a sexy public figure is bullshit.  She is not posing for Playboy. She is not at some Omaha meth party with no underwear.  She is not out on the town, wearing a slutty dress when someone snaps a photo as one of her titties pops out.  She was not stupid enough to make a sex video with a guy who “promised not to show it to any of his friends.” 

Don't despair. I still admire you as the sideline-reporting professional you are.

 

Public figures deserve privacy in private areas such as hotel rooms. Maybe not Marion Berry’s hotel room, but certainly in private rooms where no illegal activity is occurring.

On a related note, reports yesterday indicated an ESPN employee is suspected of shooting this videotape. Let’s take a look at some usual suspects:

1.  Chris Berman:  This stale windbag has been referring to her as Erin “Go-Bra-Less” Andrews for the last couple days.  I cringe thinking of him “rumblin’ bumblin’ stumblin’ ” down the hotel hall after taking the video. Gross human.

2.  Dick Vitale: Dickie V always talks about how he has only one “good-eye.” That’s all you need for a peephole. “Are you serious?  That Ass is Awesome with a capital A!!” Fuck you, Vitale.

3.  Linda Cohn:  The female Sportscenter mainstay might resent Andrews. I don’t blame her, though. I heard menopause can be a rough time. Keep your chin up, Linda!

 

4.  Scott VanPelt:  Until now, the sensitive anchor had the best net-wide tape among the ESPN crowd (particularly after Berman had ESPN scrub the Web of his O’Reilly-esque tirade). Perhaps it was too much being known as the “painfully long, heartfelt voice-mail guy.”

 

5.  Stuart Scott:  Not the primary suspect only because I don’t think he could stay quiet for the couple minutes necessary to execute the covert taping. “Check out those cans! Boo-ya!” This dated asshead exudes creepiness. Stu, I know your contrived lingo is an attempt to come across as being from the bad-side of Bristol, but you’re as transparent as Rich Eisen’s soul.