Protecting Real America’s Daughters – By Valor, Arms And Use Of The Word ‘Boy’

...and bringing your black boyfriend to thanksgiving, only to deal with the constant head shakes of your grandparents.

In Mississippi, they believe in the marriage of red beans & rice, biscuits & gravy, car frames & cinder blocks, shotguns & whiskey, not to mention the insipidly unnatural union of grits + maple syrup. But these are all inanimate objects whose commingling rights are protected by the Constitution via Citizens’ United and their obese, lobbyist governor. Oblobbernor?

teh whites peoples and teh coloreds peoples? Well.

In a PPP poll released Thursday, a 46% plurality of registered Republican voters said they thought interracial marriage was not just wrong, but that it should be illegal. 40% said interracial marriage should be legal.

Also, there will be no marriages on Dale Earnhardt’s birthday or deathday. These hilljacks hope to have their anti-miscegenation laws back in place before Usher’s 2011 Summer Tour.

America Loves Lists! – Worst Sports-Related Baby Names

i say i say boy

Inspired by the story of these clowns, GW breaks down a recent trend:  

5. Crimson Tide Redd (boy):     

The young couple made an agreement before their son’s birth that J.L. could be in charge of naming the baby, wanting to use his last name, Redd, as inspiration.    

“His family was extremely excited (about the name choice),” Jackie said.  “Her family couldn’t understand why we’d name our child after a football team,” J.L. said.   

 Football team? Grandpa Redd is a huge Hackman fan. 

 4. Tré Rivers Kemerer (boy): Three Rivers Stadium was the former home of the Pittsburgh Steelers. French it up a bit and slap it on a helpless newborn. Presto. You just named your child after a building demolished in 2001.  

 3. All Cubs’ Related Names: The worst part about being a Cubs’ fan is other Cubs’ fans. Cases in point, these spawn of Cubs’ faithful:    

• Wrigley Fields
• Addison N. Clark   (Throwing up a little bit is understandable.)
• The Dynek Family:  

ADDISON Dynek (boy, 1988) – Addison Street, which borders Wrigley to the South.  Middle name Buck.

CLARK Dynek (boy) – Clark Street borders Wrigley to the West. 

SHEFFIELD Dynek (boy) – Sheffield Avenue borders Wrigley on the East.

GRACE WAVELAND Dynek (girl) – They thought this would be their last child, so they used two street names.  Waveland Avenue borders Wrigley to the North.  And there’s an old convent on Grace Street (one block North of Waveland) where the couple would park before games.  

IVY Marie WRIGLEY Dynek (girl, 1997) – Named for the Ivy on the outfield wall and Wrigley Field itself.  

For many reasons, it’s good this family stopped procreating. Looks like they were really reaching for the last coupl enames. I wouldn’t want to saddle any poor youngster with the label “Trough Splashback Dynek,” or “Cell-Phone Douchebag Dynek.” Poor little buddies. 

Soriano, huh? Well they’ll still be paying him during your awkward teen years.

  2. Chevy Dale Karr (boy):   

PLANT CITY – Roger Karr Jr.’s first wheels were a Chevy El Camino. In fact, he’s driven nothing but Chevys ever since.  So it seemed only fitting that he named his first-born son after his favorite brand of car, with the name of his favorite NASCAR driver — Dale Earnhardt Jr. — thrown in for good measure.  

Dale Sr. is the most revered and iconic NASCAR driver of all-time. Why? Because he was (a) very successful & (b) incredibly reckless. Not surprisingly, the idiot died in a horrendous accident. I hope all our Palm City, Florida readers are especially careful in about 15 years, when Chevy Dale Karr gets his first Camaro.   

1. ESPN Montana Real (boy?): And we end where we started – in the Deep South.   

BILOXI, Miss. – Leann Real promised her husband, an avid sports fan, that if they ever had a son he’d get to pick the name. ESPN Montana Real was born this week at Biloxi Regional Medical Center.   

ESPN?  Are you kidding? This isn’t even anything associated with a team or player. It’s a tv cable channel.  In fairness, I’ve always wanted to name my 1st born son “VH-Juan Carlos.” Tragically, I would never trust a woman who would agree to that.