Chinese Girl Wants To Star In Awful Movies

year of the mmm...

What trade deficit? We are apparently still exporting good ol’ crazy celebrity-obsessed American culture:

SHANGHAI – A Chinese woman is seeking extensive plastic surgery to look like U.S. actress Jessica Alba, mainly because she hopes to win back her boyfriend who she said always wished she looked more like the Hollywood star.

The 21-year-old, who would only give her name as Xiaoqing, said she was devastated after she broke up with her lover, an ardent fan of the actress who has starred in hit movies such as “Fantastic Four” and “Into the Blue.”

This guy must be pretty special. Let’s learn about him!

Xiaoqing, who works at an Internet firm in Shanghai, said that during their 18-month-long relationship, her 28-year-old boyfriend had been obsessed with Alba, adorning their apartment with her photographs and talking about her constantly.

She said that while her boyfriend had not forced her to look like Alba, he always hinted that the wanted her to resemble his favorite star and even bought her a blonde wig to wear

I don’t know how to say “red flag” in Mandarin, but that’s an expression that can be applied to this situation.

Hopefully, Xiaoqing’s surgery will be a success and I will be one-step closer to fulfilling my girlfriend’s debauched fantasy that I look more like Richard Belzer.

see ya soon, buddy!

 

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