Gratuitous World

A disfigured conglomerate

Posts Tagged ‘Shakespeare’

Bears’ Fan Dangerously Shakespearean?

Posted by Matt on November 18, 2009

Cubs’ fans pour beer on players. White Sox fans beat up old first base coaches. Bulls’ fans love to text-message during games.   Bears’ fans?

A Pittsburgh man said he’s gone blind and lost some of his memory since he accepted a drink from a Chicago Bears fan in a Michigan Avenue bar following the team’s victory over the Steelers.

The drink was supposed to end a round of arguments between Steelers fans in town for the Sept. 20 game and Bears backers celebrating their team’s 17-14 win, Heddinger said in an interview with a Pittsburgh TV station.

“They offered a drink as a peacemaker,” Heddinger told WTAE-TV Channel 4.

Heddinger, who was with a group of friends at the game, fell ill after downing the drink, then later was rushed by ambulance to Rush University Medical Center, where he nearly died, relatives told the TV station.

Later, his vision faded, along with parts of his memory.

Chicago Police on Tuesday confirmed they are investigating a reported argument at Kitty O’Shea’s tavern between Bears fans and Steelers fans on the night of the game, but would say little else.

A police source, though, said investigators are checking security cameras from the bar to see if any images show Heddinger’s drink being spiked.

Despite oxygen treatments and other therapy, the 46-year-old Heddinger said he still remains largely blind.

“I’ve basically been blind for two months,” he said in the TV interview, adding he doesn’t think anyone wanted to kill him.

I don’t think they tried to kill me. I think they tried to hurt me, but the killing came pretty close, though,” he told the TV station.

Dear God.  I can imagine this conversation:

Bears Fan:  How fare the Steelers?  Not well on this day, I say.

Steelers Fan:  Alas, the Super Bowl Champions be well, though the kicker less attractive.

BF:  Let the devil wear black and gold, for I’ll have a suit of grizzlies.  O heavens! Hast thou not forgotten the Great “Sweetness” yet? Then there’s hope a great man’s memory may outlive his life half 20 years, ‘For, O! for,O!  Hast thou an O? Or has Shittsburgh forgotten?’

SF:  Payton, aye. But you must take your coaches. Take Ditka. Begin, an overrated coach; pox, leave thy damnable faces, and begin. Come; the Steel Curtain doth bellow for revenge.

BF:  Whoa, whoa, guy.  I was just having a little fun with da sonnets and so forth.  You got somethin’ to fuckin’ say about Ditka?

SF:  Listen man, I was just following your lead with the Old English and shit.

BF:  I’ll shove some English up your fuggin’ ass.  You got a problem with Ditka?

SF:  Not really.  But I mean, Chuck Noll, Cowher, and Tomlin have done a great job.  They won 6 Super Bowls.

(Bears Fan stands up, red-faced.)

BF:  ’85 Bears, motherfucker!!!

SF:  Ok man, take it easy.  Yeah, that’s a great team.  I’m just saying I’d rather have 6 Championships.

(Bears Fan puts arm around Steelers Fan.)

BF:  Alright, alright. I’m just having fun with ya.  Let me buy you a drink, you Pennsylvanian douchebag.

SF:  No really, I’m fine…It has been a long d-

BF:  Take the fucking drink, guy.

(They raise glasses.)

SF:  Alas, to football!

BF: For Ditka.

Hopefully this guy gets his sight back.  Bears fans – you can be boisterous assholes without risking an attempted manslaughter charge.  That’s all I’m saying.

Always classy.

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