Taking The “Civil” Out Of Civilization

Remember the health care debate and all the good times we had? Remember the tea partiers interrupting town halls with unintelligible rants about fascism, Hitler and the like? Remember when armed citizens protested outside the President’s speeches? Remember when this 1st Amendment expression was exalted by the Conservative Media? 2009 was a lot of fun.

Apparently, “First” Amendment means it’s a one-way street, and speaking of fascism, some recent incidents truly capture the spirit of the 21st century conservative. A woman was protesting (the seriously unhinged) Rand Paul outside the Kentucky Senatorial Debate. This foreign combatant’s dissenting opinion was apparently too much for some Paul supporters, as these heroic men decided to throw her in a headlock and stomp on her dome in the name of freedom.

Then there’s this. Old Man take a look at your life.

Stordeur, The Enemy Within

A 72-year-old man was arrested for allegedly assaulting a 23-year-old activist protesting Dino Rossi’s Republican campaign for Senate in Washington state yesterday, according to local reports.

The incident occured outside GOP headquarters in Walla Walla County where the demonstrator, Christie Stordeur, was “one of five protesters standing about 40 feet from the entrance of the office,” according to the Tri-City Herald.

Stordeur and the other protesters “were wearing bags over their heads and holding a sign that looked like a check.” That’s when Victor Phillips, according to a Sheriff’s deputy on scene, walked over to Stordeur to “lift her bag off her head.” When Stordeur “lifted her arm in defense,” Phillips hit it “with ‘force.'”

Yes of course. Get off my (public) lawn with your free speech.

But the most insightful part comes from Tim Profitt, the Paul donor/worker who did the head-stepping. In his weird non-apology, he actually said this!

“I would like for her to apologize to me to be honest with you,” he said. “She’s a professional at what she does,” he added, “and I think when all the facts come out, I think people will see that she was the one that initiated the whole thing.”

What?! That lil’ bitch should’ve bit the curb so I could’ve showed her how Patriotic I really am!

 

There’s something pathological about many conservatives’ insecuirty-driven inaility to apologize or admit mistakes.  Bush never admitted a mistake until recently, when he acknowledged his failure of sending thousands to die in a pointless war, katrina, doubling the nat’l debt, negligently presiding over a crumbling economy, to privatize social security. I mean, Dick Cheney still hasn’t apologized for SHOOTING HIS “FRIEND” IN THE FACE! 

 

Predictably, Fox News and conservatives have downplayed these incidents. After all, they’re still getting mileage out of a big scary black man standing in front of a Philadelphia polling place 2 years ago.

 

Real Americans. Men beating women who disagree with them. Just another day walking in the shoes of GOP misogynists, whose most prominent public figure once took care of her constituents by making rape victims pay for their own rape kits.

  

America, this is really who you’re voting for? Enjoy that.

Sean Hannity Is All Class

Yes, that’s what he said. Here’s the transcript:

HANNITY: See, can I add one thing? I think we won the debate.

DREIER: We did win the debate.

HANNITY: When you think about the vast majorities that they have in Congress and they had to bribe, backroom deals, corruption, that’s all because the tea party movement, the people — all these Tim McVeigh wannabes here.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

HANNITY: Guys, thank you for being here.

Now…to put this into context, Hannity was alluding to a prior interview with one of his guests, where his guest addressed similarities between the teabaggers and McVeigh (and the militia movement’s over-arching ideology). Does that make it any better? You can judge for yourself.

That Sean Hannity is a disgusting assbag should come as no surprise to anyone (except maybe my good buddy Dan – hey pal!). That he would compare his teabaggin audience to McVeigh + they would cheer? I don’t know. Maybe we just have different senses-of-humor.

But just a reminder, here’s what he was joking about:                                                                                                                                                    

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You can catch this and other favorites on Hannity’s upcoming comedy album…”Complaints, Grievances, and Why Past Killings of Government Employees and Innocent Civilians Is Patriotically Hilarious!”  0.6% of the proceeds will go to charity.

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King Knows Knationalism

We’ve long known Iowa Rep. Steve King is an epic gasbag. The Friend of the Teabagger had this to say in defense of his protesting brethren who directed insults of “nigger” and “faggot” at certain Democratic congressmen on the Hill yesterday.

“I just don’t think it’s anything,” King said, emphasizing that the incidents were isolated. “There are a lot of places in this country that I couldn’t walk through. I wouldn’t live to get to the other end of it.”

Teaparty.org operator Dale Robertson, who also happened to be runner-up in Scripps' 1st Annual Teabagger Spelling Bee. Better luck next year, Dale! So close!

See that? No big deal. Just some isolated incidents. It doesn’t matter that this “movement” overtly (or at least passively) condones and supports such inflammatory and hateful rhetoric.  Lead on, Mr. King! And he did…later on when speaking to his minions:

“I just came down here,” said King, “so I could say to you, God bless you.”

“God bless you!” shouted one activist.

“We’re here whenever you need us!” said another activist, patting King on the back.

“You are the awesome American people,” said King. “If I could start a country with a bunch of people, they’d be the folks who were standing with us the last few days. Let’s hope we don’t have to do that! Let’s beat that other side to a pulp! Let’s chase them down. There’s going to be a reckoning!” One by one, the people gathered outside the Capitol, who’d spent the day cheering and singing whenever Republicans appeared and egged them on, came to the realization that they’d been beaten in this round. They’d have to redouble their efforts.

“Real” America to the reckon.

Kids…as passive-aggressive calls for violence continue to spew forth, and selfish assholes (like the dude who killed a VietnamVet because he didn’t want to pay his taxes) are revered by idiots with false interpretations of “patriotism,” don’t forget the rules:

When democratically elected Republicans are in power, public opposition to their policies (such as peaceful protests over preemptive invasion of a foreign country), are labeled undermining and treasonous. When democratically elected Democrats pass legislation with which the GOP disagrees, veiled calls for insurrection + secession suddenly become patriotic displays of democratic opposition.  Them’s the rules.

On The First Tray Of Christmas…

GW may be 100% Scotch-Romanian, but this site is 100% into American Christmas, and generally into the idea of buying a bunch of unnecessary shit.  Here’s something for kids ages 8-80:

DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT PURCHASING ANY OF THE LEADING COMMIE TRAYS!

That’s right, the “Freedom Tray” can be yours for $19.95 + S&H.  Act now and they’ll throw in 2 mos. worth of bacon grease and a bald eagle’s talon.  So what does it do?

Made and assembled in America using 100% recyclable materials, the Freedom Tray is the revolutionary food and beverage tray. Whether you’re in your car, watching TV, boating, camping, at the game or serving up the burgers at the tailgate party, the Freedom Tray will make your life easier. Simply pop it open, lock it in place and, instantly, you have a portable and versatile table to meet your needs.

The idea for the Freedom Tray came from a pretty simple concept, there had to be a better way to handle food and drinks at the ball game, around the house and especially in the car! Jonny Cannon, a father of three came up with the idea after years of watching his children spill drinks and food all over his vehicle, around their home and seeing all the waste that is generated from cardboard holders at athletic stadiums and arenas all around the country.

With the Freedom Tray, Grandma can stay in bed so I don't have to smell her awful perfume as much!

(Apparently,  if you still manufacture something in this country you can stick “Freedom” in front of it for marketing purposes. Ford and GM should take note.)

Not sold yet? What are you, a Cuban street vendor?

Wherever you can sit on your ass, you can have a tray that holds up to 75 lbs. of food.  You can work on that coronary disease in bed, in the car, in the bath, on the can, at Church, at Church’s Chicken, in class, in your cubicle,  at the beach, at the strip club, or even while internet shopping for more Freedom Trays!

Freedom Trays: As American as baseball, Apple Pie, and Type 2 Diabetes.

They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our “Freedom Trays.”

Brits: Busted or Beautiful?

Today’s Tribune has the following headline:  BRITONS AMONG THE UGLIEST PEOPLE, DATING SITE SAYS

LONDON — Britons are among the ugliest people in the world, according to a dating Web site that says it only allows “beautiful people” to join.

Fewer than one in eight British men and just three in 20 women who have applied to BeautifulPeople.com have been accepted, an e-mailed statement from the Web site showed.

The way that BeautifulPeople.com accepts new members is simple. A potential member applies with a photo and a brief profile. Over 48 hours, existing members of the opposite sex vote whether to admit him or her, the site said.

The site was founded in 2002 in Denmark and went live worldwide last month. Since then, the site has rejected nearly 1.8 million people from 190 countries, admitting just 360,000 new members.

“I would say Britain is stumbling because they don’t spend as much time polishing up their appearance and they are letting themselves down on physical fitness,” Beautiful People managing director Greg Hodge said.

Despite the stereotypes, I don’t think Brits are generally that ugly.  To be completely candid,  I’ve always thought America’s “Rust Belt” set this standard.  No offense Youngstown. I just call it how I try not to see it.  But who am I to judge?  A shallow, shallow man.

Anyway, after reading this article, I felt a surge of patriotism.  I put the pride of the almighty USA on my shoulders and opened up a beautifulpeople.com account.  Here’s the glamour shot I used:

Can This Emaciated, Lazy-Eyed Patriot "Bag a Brazilian?"

As of post time, this picture is currently receiving a 5.09/10 rating.  That’s Right, Upper Half!!!  USA!!

I will keep you posted regarding whether this exclusive site allows me to stay in their network.  47+ hours remain.   We wait.

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