So This Is What Christine O’Donnell Was Talking About?

SARASOTA, FL:  Bam! And Carl Hiaasen just wrote another book…

Via The Smoking Gun:

SEPTEMBER 15–What kind of a guy goes into Walmart, takes a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue from the magazine rack, heads to the store’s toy section, and proceeds to masturbate to completion in the aisle?

Meet William Tyler Black.

This guy.

The 28-year-old Floridian, a substitute teacher, was arrested yesterday afternoon by Sarasota cops on battery and exposure of sexual organs charges, according to a probable cause affidavit, a copy of which you’ll find here.

A store employee told cops that Black “ejaculated onto the floor and wiped his hand on a toy along with rubbing his foot in the suspected semen on the floor.” Employees reported that Black “discarded the magazine behind some toys and proceeded to the front of the store.”

A police source told TSG that the toy in question was a lightsaber (apparently of the “Star Wars” variety), and that the magazine Black used was the 2010 SI swimsuit issue with model Brooklyn Decker on its cover. Though published in February, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue can still be found on sale months later at many retailers.

When cops confronted Black, pictured in the above mug shot, he said he was in the store “shopping for a toy for his daughter.” He was hit with the battery on a child count since investigators concluded that a “reasonable person would believe that a child would come in contact with the fluid on the toy being that it was left in the toy aisle of the store.”

The Creep is strong in this one.

We Do Law Stuff?

Last night, Radical Republican, and 41-year old virgin, Christine O’Donnell, won Delaware’s GOP Senate Primary on the back of her anti-masturbation platform. This represented a possible Tipping Point for the political landscape, because as you know, we sent the troops to get the oil so that you can exercise your constituional right to pleasure yourself.  Were people waking up to the fact that the GOP is dangerously out-of-touch(get it?)? Can the Democrats parlay the reminders of this extremism and failed GOP policies into a legislative victory? Oh wait. Hold on. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. 

Democrats will not rule out compromising with Republicans on the Bush tax cuts benefiting the wealthiest Americans, according to House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer.

At his weekly press availability this morning, Hoyer declined to draw a bright line on the issue of tax cuts for the rich, adding to the uncertainty over whether Democrats will force Republicans to choose between tax cuts for the middle class, or no tax cuts at all.

“I’m always, as you know, prepared to discuss alternatives so that we can move forward,” Hoyer told reporters.

Though Democrats have committed to ensuring that tax cuts for middle-income brackets are extended permanently, they have yet to determine how or when they’ll accomplish that, let alone whether they might be amenable to a temporary extension of tax cuts for the rich. Hoyer said that he personally supports Obama’s tax plan and eventually wants to offset the middle class tax cuts.

At the risk of offending she-who-shan’t-be-named, are you fucking retarded?

Steny Hoyer – the sacless ‘leader’ getting a head start on the government shut down. Blue Dogs Woof Woof.