GOP candidates are quick to indicate certain position points are inspired or dictated by their creator, Reagan Yahweh, or as Republican debate audiences would call him, “Boo!! Socialist!” Here are 10 to live by:
1. Thou shall not steal unless committing theft with an Invisible Hand. (R. Paul)
2. Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. But if you do, he’ll still probably execute the guy if he’s convicted, so don’t sweat it. (R. Perry)
3. Thou shall not commit adultery this to memory. (N. Gingrich)
4. Thou shall not commit adultery…but no one would really blame you, Michelle. (M. Bachmann)
5. Thou shall seem reasonable relative to colleagues and be rewarded with a plague of Debate Crickets. (J. Huntsman)
6. Thou shall not forget the free 2-Liter of Soda with every delivery of $20 or more. (H. Cain)
7. Remember the Google, to keep it holy. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all the frothy fecal matter that is in them, and on the seventh day created Google to put it all on an easy to use search engine. (R. Santorum)
8. Thou shall not, shall thou? Yeah, I don’t know. Something about triathlons and privatizing prisons. Yahweh is pretty indifferent here. (Gary Johnson)
9. Thou shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s, including his conservative street cred. (M. Romney)
10. Thou shall not eat that 2nd strudel…haha just kidding, do whatever you want as long as you run. Seriously + Sincerely, GOPGOD (C. Christie)
Gratuitous World 