Douchenozzle Of The Week

If there’s one organization that can demand pious morality from others, yet  still blame others for its own misdeeds, it’s the Catholic Church.

Enter Bill Donahue, president of the Catholic League, and all-around hateful jackass, who the Washington Post just allows to go on a fact-free, juvenile rant.  Some highlights:

Sexual libertines, from the Marquis de Sade to radical gay activists, have sought to pervert society by acting out on their own perversions. What motivates them most of all is a pathological hatred of Christianity. They know, deep down, that what they are doing is wrong, and they shudder at the dreaded words, “Thou Shalt Not.” But they continue with their death-style anyway ….

Thou Shalt Not Commit Douchebaggery.

Totally!  When I lube up my group sex partners and strap on the ball-gag, the only thing going through my mind is 80-year old Sister Mary (my 3rd grade teacher), and our complicated lust/hate relationship. It’s all about Catholicism!  Actually, it’s you Bill. I can’t stop thinking of you. You and St. Fiacre, patron saint of  hemorrhoids sufferers (true).

But I guess it’s just adult, consensual, out-of-wedlock, non-missionary, secular fucking that should be shamed and condemned.  Because, as we both know, Mr. Donahue never met a Catholic child-molester for whom he couldn’t make excuses……..

Douchenozzle’s Checklist for American decay:  The Sexually Active? Check.  Ok, moving on – Hollywood:

There was a time when Hollywood made reverential movies about Christianity. But those days are long gone. Now they just insult. And when someone finally makes a film that makes Christians proud, he is run out of town. Were it not for Mel Gibson, there would have been no “Passion of the Christ.” But for every Harvey Weinstein who likes to bash Catholics, there is always someone else waiting in the wings to do the same ….

I understand Bill’s job is to “spin,” but Jesus Christ (no pun),  there’s no way this asshead can honestly believe Mel Gibson was “run out of town”  because of The Passion.  For God’s sake, people gave him money to do Apocalypto.  No mention of the lesser-known, anti-Mayan prejudice of Hollywood Jews.

Gibson tarnished his own reputation by getting trashed and making public his hostile anti-Semitism.  But it’s all a symbol of Catholic persecution because Harvey Weinstein produced a movie with an evil priest.

Maybe Donahue is just upset because he went to the “casting couch” with a Hollyowood producer who promised him a role in the next Flomax commercial. Sad.

Okay, moving on to  liberals + gays + philanthropists:

Catholics were once the mainstay of the Democratic Party; now the gay activists are in charge. Indeed, practicing Catholics are no longer welcome in leadership roles in the Party: the contempt that pro-life Catholics experience is palpable. The fact that Catholics for Choice, a notoriously anti-Catholic front group funded by the Ford Foundation, has a close relationship with the Democrats says it all ….

Yes, Democrats despise Catholics.  You know, arch-enemies like John Kerry, Joe Biden, and Ted Kennedy.

The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they’re too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.

This guy is so out-of-touch it’s unbelievable.  Doesn’t he know we’re all aborting dogs, walking kids, and eschewing baths altogether?

Bill has a classic Perseuction Complex.  Look, asshole, this isn’t the 1920s.  I will refrain from retelling the history of anti-Catholicism, but let’s make one thing clear:  Calling out the Church’s criminal conspiracy to cover-up the pedophilia of their priests does not constitute  persecution.  It constitutes appropriate indignation at the most despicable behavior attributable to humans.  Where’s your moral compass, Dbag?

You can fight your imaginary culture wars all you want.  At the end of the day, only a miniscule pack  of drones will pick up the pitchforks to follow you.  And at the end of the day, you’ll still be a Douchenozzle.

Oklahoma: We’ll Shame You

It’s obvious many pro-lifers don’t really care about children – hence opposition to sex education, family planning funding and subsidized childrens’ health insurance.  Though these are methods proven to decrease the number of abortions, they don’t want to hear it.  What really drives them is their judgment of sexually active women and a desire to impose their morality.  They think the promiscuity of these women should be punished by forcing them to carry babies they don’t want, or can’t care for.  Then there’s the Oklahoma state legislature:

A new Oklahoma law requires physicians to disclose detailed information on women’s abortions to the State’s Department Of Health, which will then post the collected data on a public website. The controversial measure comes into effect on November 1 and will cost $281,285 to implement, $256,285 each subsequent year to maintain.

Oklahoma women undergoing abortion procedures will be legally forced to reveal:

1) Date of abortion
2) County in which abortion is performed
3) Age of mother
4) Marital status of mother
5) Race of mother
6) Years of education of mother
7) State or foreign country of residence of mother
8) Total number of previous pregnancies of the mother

Proponents of the legislation claim that women should not be concerned over their privacy since no names or “personal information” will be reported. This defense is questionable. Feminists For Choice argues, “In reviewing the actual text of the law, the first 8 questions that will be asked and reported could easily be used to identify any member of a smaller community.”

Why stop with abortions?  I am using this blog post as a call to action.  ALL ILLINOIS COLONOSCOPIES NEED TO BE DISCLOSED TO THE ILLINOIS’ DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH IN NARRATIVE FORM.  I’ll start:

ATTN:  Illinois Dept. of Health
RE:        Colonoscopy (October 2, 2009)

It was a dreary October day.  I entered my Doctor’s lobby, stomach still rumbling from the prior night’s laxative.  A rosy-cheeked nurse sporting a snaggle-tooth called my name.  The reverberations echoed in my soul.  I was led to a sparse room and asked to disrobe.  My skinny frame trembled with dread.  I said goodbye to my pale ass, wondering if it would ever be the same, and put on the gown given to me.

I waited. And waited.  My psyche turbulent with mental projections of the upcoming procedure.

Nurse Snaggle reentered and hooked me to an IV. She placated me with some assurances intimating that the procedure wouldn’t hurt.  It was nice.  She took me to the procedure room, where I met Dr. Jellyfinger.  Someone put a contraption on my finger and an oxygen mask was strapped to my faced.  My mind spun. I thought about that time when I was child and I was running with my dog Lady, a stunning German Shepherd.  I stopped at Springdale Park to take a sip of water from the drinking fountain.  It was refreshing.  I took Lady over to the park bench for a brief rest.  As I collapsed on the bench, I sat directly on a pine cone.  Something happened to me that day…

I ventured back to reality, but noticed myself getting sleepy.  Dr. J asked me to turn over on my side.  I thought I saw Lou Diamond Phillips. But it was just a poster…of Lou Diamond Phillips trying to raise awareness of colon-health.  I saw the Doctor take the scope – longer than anything I could imagine.  In my haze, I was convinced it would be possible to see the scope from space – like the Great Wall.

Then it all went black.  I don’t envy the doctor. Not at all. 

I woke up to Nurse Snaggle gently shaking my shoulder.  She was smiling, snaggle fully exposed. But I hate to criticize – she was a nice lady.  She told me I had done well.  I smiled weakly. Then I rolled over on my side and let out a seismic fart.  That felt good.

I left and went home.  My butt had changed, but my life was still the same.  Or was it…

And Then They Came For The Sane, And I Did Not Speak Out

Glenn Beck drops the obvious Holocaust victim/FOX News comparison:

BECK: When they’re done with Fox, and you decide to speak out on something. The old, “first they came for the Jews, and I wasn’t Jewish.” When you have a question, and you believe that something should be asked, they’re a — totally fine with you right now; they have no problem with you.

When they’re done with Fox and talk radio, do you really think they’re going to leave you alone if you want to ask a tough question? Do you really think that a man who has never had to stand against tough questions and has as much power as he does — do you really believe after he takes out the number one news network, do you really think that this man is then not going to turn on you? That you and your little organization is going to cause him any hesitation at all not to take you out?

If you believe that, you should open up a history book, because you’ve missed the point of many brutal dictators. You missed the point on how they always start.

I love the strawman argument.  Who the fuck are “they,” and what questions are they preventing you from asking? 

I’ll open up some history for you:  First they came for the guy spewing nonsense out of his ass, and they gave him a syndicated radio show. 

Then they came for the nutjob ratcheting up his hate-filled rhetoric, and they gave him his own tv show. 

And then they came for the douchebag who was spreading more hate and nonsensical conspiracy theories, and they gave him a fucking book deal which allowed the poor, oppressed victim to pull in $20 Million last year. 

It’s possible this is pretty insulting to some in the Jewish community, particularly on the back of Beck’s  attempt to politicize Yom Kippur.  But I’m sure they they can speak for themselves.

“First they came …” is a popular poem attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller (1892–1984) about the inactivity of German intellectuals following the Nazi rise to power and the purging of their chosen targets, group after group. Although the precise origin of the poem is not known, Niemoller stated he prefers the version as:

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me.

People From Jersey

Some Evangelicals believe Mohammed is the Antichrist. Lutherans believe the Pope is the Antichrist.  Fat people believe broccoli is the Antichrist. What about people from Jersey?

Public Policy Polling’s habit of asking revealing, bizarre questions continues with a survey of New Jersey voters that finds—as President Obama’s approval rating dips slightly—only 79 percent of voters ready to rule out the possibility that their president is the Anti-Christ. Eight percent say he is, while 13 percent are not sure.

 Further breakdowns on that question:

- Twelve percent of McCain voters think Obama is the Anti-Christ. Twenty-one percent are not sure.

- Fourteen percent of Republicans think Obama is the Anti-Christ. Fifteen percent are not sure.

- Eighteen percent of “conservative” voters think Obama is the Anti-Christ. Seventeen percent are not sure.

The big surprise here–the group of voters most likely to think Obama is the Anti-Christ are … Hispanics, who solidly backed Obama in 2008. Only 58 percent of them say, for sure, that their president is not Satan come to wreak havoc here on earth.

In a related poll, 42% of antichrists surveyed said they would only set foot in New Jersey for a lay-over, and 82% of antichrists believe the Antichrist is really some Jersey “Housewife.”  Good stuff.

 

Nothing metaphysical about these douchebags.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

Science Haters & Hollywood To Deprive U.S. Of Jennifer Connelly

Unreal.  Actually, not unreal. I believe it. You may say I’m a true believer. 

Creation, starring Paul Bettany, details Darwin’s “struggle between faith and reason” as he wrote On The Origin of Species. It depicts him as a man who loses faith in God following the death of his beloved 10-year-old daughter, Annie.

The film was chosen to open the Toronto Film Festival and has its British premiere on Sunday. It has been sold in almost every territory around the world, from Australia to Scandinavia.

However, US distributors have resolutely passed on a film which will prove hugely divisive in a country where, according to a Gallup poll conducted in February, only 39 per cent of Americans believe in the theory of evolution.

Movieguide.org, an influential site which reviews films from a Christian perspective, described Darwin as the father of eugenics and denounced him as “a racist, a bigot and an 1800s naturalist whose legacy is mass murder”. His “half-baked theory” directly influenced Adolf Hitler and led to “atrocities, crimes against humanity, cloning and genetic engineering”, the site stated.

The film has sparked fierce debate on US Christian websites, with a typical comment dismissing evolution as “a silly theory with a serious lack of evidence to support it despite over a century of trying“.

Yes – that silly theory with incomparable genetic evidence. So unlike the totally realistic theory with the Invisble Bearded Man, the Magic Tree, and the Sassy Talking Snake.

What’s going on here? The Jesus Freaks have been out-to-lunch for years.  They can’t be blamed.  It’s possible no distributor thinks it will make any money.  Although 21st  Century Hollywood only produces spin-offs and sequels, I doubt this is the case.  If it gets enough publicity, it will eventually get released here.

This falls on the pathetic Hollywood ”liberals.”  No one wants to piss off the bored, letter-writing Creationists. They might miss out on a chance to distribute Home School Musical II.  Zing.

On the Origin of MY Species. Hey-o!

_______________________________________________________________________________________

You Don’t Want To Burn In Hell, Do You Little Girl?

To follow up on this non-story-story, I’m guessing the DoE won’t request the impressionable youngsters adhere to such mandatory, creepy behavior:

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Jesus Fish

Cuckoo...Cuckoo

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:32

Who would Jesus condemn to death? These guys  put their recommendations in the prayer box:

Chris Broughton, the man who brought an AR-15 rifle and a handgun to an Arizona Obama rally earlier this month, says he “concurs” with his fundamentalist pastor’s prayer for President Obama “to die and go to hell.”

Maybe the pastor was taken out of context?

And in an interview with a local TV station, pastor Steven Anderson himself elaborated on his statement to TPMmuckraker that he would prefer Obama to die of natural causes so “he’s not some martyr.”

“I don’t want him to be a martyr, we don’t need another holiday. I’d like to see him die, like Ted Kennedy, of brain cancer,” Anderson now says.

That’s nice. 

So…Remember when the GOP (facilitated by every Dem Senator minus Feingold) rammed the Patriot Act through Congress? 

Section 802 of the USA PATRIOT Act (Pub. L. No. 107-52) expanded the definition of terrorism to cover “”domestic,”" as opposed to international, terrorism.   A person engages in domestic terrorism if they do an act “”dangerous to human life”" that is a violation of the criminal laws of a state or the United States, if the act appears to be intended to:  (i) intimidate or coerce a civilian population; (ii) influence the policy of a government by intimidation or coercion; or (iii) to affect the conduct of a government by mass destruction, assassination or kidnapping.  Additionally, the acts have to occur primarily within the territorial jurisdiction of the United States and if they do not, may be regarded as international terrorism. 

I am a defender of the Bill of Rights (not just #2).  I also think the Patriot Act should be trashed.  Under the Brandenburg  standard, this probably doesn’t fall under “imminent threat.”  However, inflammatory rhetoric needs to be called out.  Time will tell whether these “Men of God” are dangerous.  Regardless, they are certainly hateful, crazy-ass f’ers.  Peace be with you.

Tripped By An Angel

(shudder)

Pope Benedict XVI recently took a digger. 

 

The 82-year-old pope fell in his mountain chalet and fractured his right wrist. He had surgery at a local hospital on July 17 and spent the rest of his two-week vacation in a cast.

 

“Unfortunately, my own guardian angel did not prevent my injury, certainly following superior orders,” Benedict said.

 

If there’s one thing Pope Joey Ratz knows, it’s following orders.

“Perhaps the Lord wanted to teach me more patience and humility, give me more time for prayer and meditation,” the pope added.

Yes, Your Eminence, the Lord may have seen this as an Obama-like “teaching moment.” On the other hand, since you’re a bad man, I think God is just not that into you.  Watch your back, Pops.                                                                                                                              

C-Street and the Myth of the Christian Nation

What has been Christianity’s fruits? Superstition, Bigotry and Persecution. – James Madison

If you want to get me heated up, convey your support for theories of Christian Nationalism.  If that doesn’t work, tell me the Bears shouldn’t have traded for Cutler.

In light of the Sanford and Ensign scandals, I’ve been reading a lot about the C-Street House, a tax-exempt house where pious Christian legislators apparently go to pray or get laid far away from the watchful eyes of their wives. It depends on the day of the week.  There are even exorcisms , and on the 2nd Wednesday of every month  Tom Coburn gives pelvic exams!  You know, a little something for the conservative in all of us. This place is affiliated with “The Family,” essentially a religious lobbying group of powerful, skin-deep Jesus Freaks. A great backgroundcan be found here.  As Jeff Sharlet writes:

One needn’t be a Marxist to findfault with the Family’s mash-up of New Testament andunfettered capitalism — Adam Smith himself would have recognized that theology as a disingenuous form of self-interest by proxy. Such interests have led the Family into some strange alliances over the years. Seduced by the Indonesian dictator Suharto’s militant anti-communism, they described the murder of hundreds of thousands that brought him to power as a “spiritual revolution,” and sent delegations of congressmen andoil executives to pray to Jesus with the Muslim leader. In Africa, they anointed the Somali killer Siad Barre as God’s man and sent Sen. Grassley and a defense contractor as emissaries. Barre described himself as a “Koranic Marxist,” but he agreed to pray to Grassley’s American Christ in return for American military aid, which he then used to wreak a biblical terror on his nation. It has not yet recovered.

Now I don’t give a shit where these guys put their St.Peters.  The hypocrisy of these moralizing, Christian crusaders is obvious and well-documented. Whether these douchebags keep their jobs due to such hiccups as misappropriation of funds related to these trysts is an issue for their voters or state legislatures.  While the fact that this fucking frat house qualifies as tax-exempt infuriates me, that is not the subject of this post. 

Feel free to use for your band's album cover.

 

Rep. Randy Forbes (R-VA) is on a quest from God. This quest is to rewrite American history and falsely indoctrinate students, the naive and The Dumb as to the historical origins and governmental foundations of this country.

 On may 4th, 2009 Randy Forbes re-introduced the text of the resolution, as House Resolution 397, which currently has 74 co-sponsors.  This reads:

Affirming the rich spiritual and religious history of our Nation’s founding and subsequent history andexpressing support for designation of the first week in May as “America’s Spiritual Heritage Week” for the appreciation of and education on America’s history of religious faith.

Although the First Amendment might conflict with this resolution (“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion”), the text is fairly innocuous.  What’s troubling is that the Resolution contains 75 historically dubious footnotes detailing how America is a Christian nation.  

What instigated Forbes?  According to this post:

The trigger for the reintroduction of the falsified US history fussilade was, by Randy Forbes’ own statements, president Barack Obama’s April 7, 2009statement during a public appearance in Turkey, in which Obama declared that “one of the great strengths” of the United States is that “we do not consider ourselves a Christian nation or a Jewish nation or a Muslim nation. We consider ourselves a nation of citizens who are bound by ideals and a set of values.”

Obama’s declaration set off a firestorm of criticism from Christian conservatives in Congress and the Senate, with GOP Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann attacking Obama, in an April 21 speech on the House floor in which Bachmann cited the falsified “Washington’s prayer” as evidence that the United States was in fact a Christian nation. Mention of the falsified “prayer” is not at all unusual in Congress. The Congressional record notes multiple citations of the “prayer” in Congress, including by Senate chaplains associated with The Family.

In a May 6th speech on the floor of the US Congress, Randy Forbes asked the questions, “Did America ever consider itself a Judeo-Christian nation?” and “If America was once a Judeo-Christian nation, when did it cease to be?” Forbes’ speech, posted as a YouTube video segment, has so far received over 2 and 1/2 million views.  

In a May 7th, 2009 press conferenceRandy Forbes attacked Barack Obama’s Turkey declaration, stating,

“I suggest the overwhelming evidence suggests that this nation was born andit was birthed with Judeo-Christian principles and I would challenge anybody to tell me that point in time that we ceased to be such, because it doesn’t exist.”

Forbes went on to issue an even more explicit challenge, in a July 1, 2009 appearance on the Jody Hice Show, during which Forbes declared,

“I challenge the president or anyone else — come up, either debate me on this issue or simply tell me where that single moment in time was when you can say we crossed the threshold — we ceased being a Judeo-Christian nation — and you can’t do it.”

The problem with debating these issues (as Chris Rodda offered) is that the facts are so apparent and contrary to Forbes’ view, that even engaging Mr. Forbes gives some credence to his distorted views. Of course, sometimes a person must descend to that level and I would enjoy watching Ms. Rodda dismantle Forbes in a debate on the subject.

However, the “debate” should end with the First Amendment:

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

The rebuttal from the Nationalists usually hit 2 points:

1.  The Declaration of Independence states:  “the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God.”

2.  The Founding Fathers were Christians and intended the U.S. to reflect their religious affiliation.

1: There is no mention of Christ, Mary Magdalene, Lazarus, our any of the other biblical characters – only a supreme force. (Also, the Constitution makes no mention of God at all.) 

Which brings me to #2:

Thomas Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence and James Madison is the “Father of the Constitution!” (also a Disney movie coming 2010)  These two men were deists  and had the most input on the political theories and actual text of the documents on which our country was founded.  It’s infuriating.  I’ll also throw in that Lincoln was likely a Deist/agnostic, and the Christian convictions of George Washington are far from established.  Yet where does this leave the historical beliefs of our country?

Over the course of the 19th and 20th Centuries, an entire parallel historiography, based on fabricated historical details, falsified founding father quotes, quotes taken out of context, deceptive textual ellipsis, and a host of other methods, has arisen and been incorporated not only into books but also textbooks and curriculum, including that taught in the national Junior ROTC program.

That falsified American history campaign has apparently had some effect. Over the last three decades, the percent of Americans who incorrectly believe the United States was founded as an explicitly Christian nation has increased significantly. A 2007 poll from the First Amendment Center showed that  65%, nearly 2/3, of Americans believe the founders intended the US to be a Christian nation and 55% from that poll thought the US Constitution establishes the US as a Christian nation.

As Frederick Clarkson, journalist and author of Eternal Hostility: The Struggle Between Theocracy and Democracy wrote in the commentary History is Powerful: Why the Christian Right Distorts History and Why it Matters published in the Spring 2007 issue of Public Eye, a publication from Political Research Associates,

“The notion that America was founded as a Christian nation is a central animating element of the ideology of the Christian Right. It touches every aspect of life and culture in this, one of the most successful and powerful political movements in American history. The idea that America’s supposed Christian identity has somehow been wrongly taken, and must somehow be restored, permeates the psychology and vision of the entire movement. No understanding of the Christian Right is remotely adequate without this foundational concept.

But the Christian nationalist narrative has a fatal flaw: it is based on revisionist history that does not stand up under scrutiny. The bad news is that to true believers, it does not have to stand up to the facts of history to be a powerful and animating part of the once and future Christian nation. Indeed, through a growing cottage industry of Christian revisionist books and lectures now dominating the curricula of home schools and many private Christian academies, Christian nationalism becomes a central feature of the political identity of children growing up in the movement. The contest for control of the narrative of American history is well underway.

Gods help us.

Bronze Reagan

 

Nancy (Cancer), Jim Baker (Taurus), Reagan (Aquarius) Statue

A beautiful day in Washington and a crowd packed with Reagan era-policymakers looked on as a Bronze Reagan was unveiled in the Capitol Rotunda. For video of John Boehner crying, click here.  I’m not kidding.    He is the Orange Crocodile. 

In other non-related Reagan news, I came across a fascinating article regarding the Reagans and Astrology.  Veracity aside, it would explain a lot.

On one level, maybe it’s not such a big deal that Ronnie and Nancy went to weekly astrology classes and ‘zodiac parties’ in the fifties and sixties. Or that Reagan signed legislation as governor declassifying ‘licensed’ astrologers as fortune-tellers, thus allowing them to receive compensation for their, uh, ‘craft’. But sweat beads start to form when you read former advisor Donald Regan reveal that Reagan’s entire schedule was based around White House astrologer Joan Quigley’s advice about planetary alignment. This caused embarrassment for the staff more than once, when they would have to explain arbitrary changes in the itinerary without giving away the game. And there’s evidence we can thank astrology for the picking of George H.W. Bush as VP as well. Joyce Jillson says she was paid $1200 to pick the vice president from a list of seven names. The elder Bush’s response to this:

“I don’t know about that,” he said. “But I will tell you one thing: There are two edges to this sword. There are a helluva lot of people across this country that read these columns. Otherwise they would not be in the papers.”

Not sure what makes that a double-edged sword, but I’m glad he wasn’t overly bothered by the fact that he was picked for the position of second-most powerful person on the planet essentially at random. Putting aside the unnerving knowledge that the president who relied on such gobbledygook was the same man with his finger on the button, there is the high comedy of the Christian Right embracing an avid astrology buff. The same folks that love to reinvent Barack Obama as a radical Muslim utterly ignored Reagan’s enthusiastic adoption of a practice they consider demonic idolatry. Ah, well.

And in death, let us celebrate Reagan’s life in a way he would appreciate – with his horoscope via this week’s The Onion:

Aquarius Jan 20 – Feb 18

It’s okay to feel a little nervous and unsure of yourself during your first day at work. After all, it’s not as if you were even hired there.

 

The Abortion Plane

Anti-Choice Followers just want to say, "Good luck. We're all counting on you."

 Look away Touchdown Jesus.  The anti-Abortion crew have their chastity belts in a bunch regarding Notre Dame’s invitation to  President Obama to be this year’s commencement speaker.

Hired by the Center for Bioethical Reform, the “abortion plane” plane trails a banner with a picture of a dead fetus and the words, “10 Week Abortion.” The group’s other banner reads, “Abortion is terror.” Nothing like distracting from the students’ achievement and financial sacrifice in order to get public opinion on your side. But as Wonkette points out, the best part is a letter the Center for Bioethical Reform sent in response to one student who had objected to this shit-show.

Dear [REDACTED]

Thank you for writing. As someone about to graduate from Notre Dame, you say you “don’t think it is fair to have your home bombarded with disgusting [and disturbing] images.” Come now, [REDACTED]: If these babies were just blobs of tissue, would you be so distressed at these pictures? How could the images be “disgusting” unless abortion is “disgusting?” And if you think abortion photos are “disturbing” who aren’t you more disturbed by abortion itself? Why do you care more about your own “comfort” than you care about the survival of the little children who are being slaughtered? Is that what the priests taught you at Notre Dame; that your comfort is more important than someone else’s life?

You admit that the “majority” of Notre Dame students voted for Mr. Obama. That means they must not be allowed to graduate in comfort. No one should be allowed to become comfortable with baby killing. Many of your classmates have had abortions and many more will have them in the future. Some of these students, at least those with functioning consciences, could be talked into saving their babies if they were forced to look at what abortion is and does. We know that from our extensive experience with these pictures. You can read their testimonials for yourself at www.abortionNO.org. These students need truth more than they need comfort. If pro-abortion students are going to revel in the presence of this serial-killer president, they need to squirm in the presence of the babies he is killing. Most abortion supporters want to be able to kill babies and have the evidence swept under the carpet. No more, [REDACTED]. It is only fair that pro- abortion students be forced to look at the carnage their votes are making possible. Then we will see if they are still so “excited,” as you say, to have Mr. Obama address them.

You say Mr. Obama is coming to honor you. We are going to make your class look at the hidden reality for which he stands and then you can all better decide how much of an honor his presence actually confers on you and your classmates. You say he is not coming to discuss abortion. That is correct but he IS coming to signal that abortion should be of little concern to Catholics. We intend to forcefully rebut that contention, not with arguments, but with pictures. You find it “disrespectful” that we would force our “extremist” message on your class, but as I asked above, how could an abortion photo be “extreme” unless abortion is “extreme?” We find it disrespectful to butcher babies. If you think the use of the term “butcher” is an exaggeration, then why do you find abortion photos so “upsetting,” to use your term?

We want your family and the family of every graduating senior in Joyce Center to have these sickening pictures gaging them as they applaud the man who glorifies this carnage. Our avowed purpose is to respectfully, lawfully, ruin this ceremony; not to be vindictive but to force people to stop acting as though everything is normal at Notre Dame. It is not normal for a Catholic institution to honor a man who supports infanticide. The sewers of South Bend are literally running red with the blood of Notre Dame’s children. We are going to figuratively pry open the manhole covers and force the entire university community to smell the stench of death. No more business as usual. I assure you that by the time the Class of 2009 has received their diplomas, both “town and gown” will be more bothered by abortion than they ever dreamed possible. Every time they look at that diploma, framed on their wall, we want them to see a dead baby. Then perhaps they will take this issue as seriously as the graduate of a famous Catholic university is obligated to take it.

Lord bless,

Gregg Cunningham

The Center For Bio-Ethical Reform

P.O. Box 219

Lake Forest, CA 92609

Office Phone, 949-206-0600

Cell Phone, 714-240-6976

“Sewers are literally running red with the blood of Notre Dame’s Children?”  Jesus Christ! Somebody tell the Mayor!  

While the abortion plane is still planning on bringing an aura of disgust to the ceremony, my plan to fly around a nude picture of Charlie Weiss as a protest of college football’s most overrated coach was disallowed as a clear violation of public decency standards.  And rightly so.

 

You're Gross.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Father, the Son, and the Holy Beagle

150 years following On the Origin of Species, the Vatican has finally recognized Darwin’s “theory of  evolution” as being compatible with Catholic teachings.

 

Pope Fabulous

 “In fact, what we mean by evolution is the world as created by God,” said Archbishop Gianfranco Ravasi, head of the Pontifical Council for Culture. 

The recognition of evolution is the most controversial proclamation from the  Pontifical Council of Culture since it named Pope Urban VIII the “Best Dressed Pontiff of the 17th Century” (see right).

Christmas Counter-Insurgency

It seems for the past decade or so, Christian crusaders have increasingly bemoaned any effort by organizations and corporations to expand campaigns of Christmas Consumerism to encompass non-Christians.  Stores have changed “Christmas Sale!” to “Holiday Sale.” Companies have changed the ”Christmas Party” to the “Holiday Party.” Public Schools change “Christmas Break” to “Winter Break.” And so on.  And so on, while most of the country yawns.

But is it a big deal?  As O’Reilly once sounded the alarm,

See, I think it’s all part of the secular progressive agenda -– to get Christianity and spirituality and Judaism out of the public square. Because if you look at what happened in Western Europe and Canada, if you can get religion out, then you can pass secular progressive programs like legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will, gay marriage, because the objection to those things is religious- based, usually.

indeed.  One day, you’re looking for 1/2 off bath towels at Macy’s Christmas Sale.  The next?  You’re shooting smack with your married gay Dutch friends, while euthanizing an out-of-work Santa Claus.  It’s a slippery slope. And so O’Reilly and the other blowhards started calling out companies taking the “Christmas” out of “Christmas Shopping Extravaganza.” Stores like FAO Schwartz, Toys R’ Us, and Jack’s House of Secular Shit for Kids.

Of course, there is no bigger symbol of secular progressivism than the Toys R’ Us Giraffe!  Damn that giraffe and his “Holiday Sales.”  Because at Christmas time, when I’m buying a dozen pairs of socks or “Grand Theft Auto XI – Rickshaw Massacre,” I want these purchases to be in the name of Christ.  He and no other.  But without huge cardboard signs saying “CHRISTMAS Sale,” all the spirituality is removed from my purchases!  It’s like I’m wandering aimlessly down aisles of cheap plastic + plush toys (made in China) without the constant reverence to Santa Cl-, excuse me – Jesus Christ.

Which brings me to the Humanists.  As the AP reported:

Ads proclaiming, “Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness’ sake,” will appear on Washington, D.C., buses starting next week and running through December. The American Humanist Association unveiled the provocative $40,000 holiday ad campaign Tuesday.

Pretty simple message, right? “Be good for goodness’ sake.” It’s like it’s right out of a jingle or something!  Not a bad message for city with a high crime rate. Why is the A.H.A. doing this?

“We are trying to reach our audience, and sometimes in order to reach an audience, everybody has to hear you,” said Fred Edwords, spokesman for the humanist group. “Our reason for doing it during the holidays is there are an awful lot of agnostics, atheists and other types of non-theists who feel a little alone during the holidays because of its association with traditional religion.”

Makes sense to me.  I am not qualified to state whether or not seeing this ad while running to catch the bus in December D.C. sleet will bring any comfort to non-theists.  But at least the explanation is rational.  Of course, certain people just love complaining, and the American Family Association is really good at it.  The story continued: 

The humanists’ entry into the marketplace of ideas did not impress AFA president Tim Wildmon.

“It’s a stupid ad,” he said. “How do we define ‘good’ if we don’t believe in God? God in his word, the Bible, tells us what’s good and bad and right and wrong. If we are each ourselves defining what’s good, it’s going to be a crazy world.”

Yes. No one should define “good” except the Bible’s ghost writers. Not individuals. Not parents. Not teachers. Not Webster’s F’ing dictionary.  Because we don’t want a “crazy” world where people exercise independent thought, or fail to be militant about the proper titling of department stores’ ad campaigns.

Maybe the “Liberty Council” can give us more Christian clarity:

“It’s the ultimate grinch to say there is no God at a time when millions of people around the world celebrate the birth of Christ,” said Mathew Staver, the group’s chairman and dean of the Liberty University School of Law. “Certainly, they have the right to believe what they want but this is insulting.”

The ad does not state “there is no God.” It asks why you need to believe in a god in order to be a respectful, compassionate, decent member of society.  And perhaps that’s the point. You don’t. But of course the outraged ones don’t want that point made, and the over-zealous believers rarely traffic in reason.  I don’t want to disparage anyone’s religious beliefs.  “To each his own.” Exercise all you want. Just don’t forget other people have a right to the use the pool. Or even the side of a damn bus.

Paganomics

My absolute favorte story in a long time – originally posted here.

Holy bullshit!

From Wonkette:

Did you know that some Christian dingbat has dubbed today the “Day of Prayer for the World’s Economies?” Well here they are, at the Wall Street bull statue thing, praying to Jesus for money. The dingbat has explained, “We are going to intercede at the site of the statue of the bull on Wall Street to ask God to begin a shift from the bull and bear markets to what we feel will be the ‘Lion’s Market,’ or God’s control over the economic systems.” Don’t they know that God taking over the economic systems would be SOCIALISM from SPACE? Also: God will be very mad that they are worshiping a bronze idol here, since his second commandment PROHIBITS THAT, duh?

Do Christians that consider themselves “religious” even read the Bible?  They don’t even have to read it. Bible on Tape? Classic Charlton Heston movie?  I don’t even have a comment that could help magnify this absolute painful irony.  It’s right there for you.

I do see a couple guys probably praying to the golden bull for a few bucks in order to by their own pair of Isotoner gloves.

You may say, “Hey pal, you’re just a cynical, godless jerk!”  True. But it’s because I’ve tried. 

When I had athlete’s foot, I prayed to the heavens while rubbing the Statue of Liberty’s sandal.  When I wanted a 1/2-inch more “girth,” I plead and prayed with god while rubbing the “package” of Michelangelo’s David.  When I wanted the bully down the street to stop beating me with my french horn, I travelled overseas and prayed for his arms to fall off while illegally dry-humping Venus di Milo. And so on.

And for good measure…

Deliver us bull from every evil! And grant us stable 401Ks

AntiChrists Everywhere

Jesus may have been a more effective community organizer that Barack.  I’m not sure if that makes him the antichrist.  Ft. Hill, SC mayor Danny Funderburk lends so much veracity to an e-mail forward, that he just had to know if it’s true.

“I was just curious if there was any validity to it,” Funderburk said in a telephone interview. “I was trying to get documentation if there was any scripture to back it up.”

Strange that Funderburk overlooked the much-referenced John 47:11, “Who is a liar but he that denieth ”more of the same,” such that “change” be of his demand. Jesus is the Christ? He is antichrist.” John knew the antichrist would come in the form of a middle-class tax cut.

Of course, as Think Progress notes, Glenn Beck is the gate-keeper of the antichrist stigma.  Interesting that someone so righteous can’t make up his mind. 

Stain we can believe in.